So, do you feel married yet?

I love this question but I don't really know how to answer it. I kind of feel like I'm playing house but I feel married. The obvious thing is that, well...now we can do what married people do...but that's not it. Marriage really does feel different. There is a level of intimacy that comes with sharing a bed, a home, money, thoughts and feelings on a daily basis that only comes with marriage. There have been some growing pains. For us it has been around money. No major arguments but we have experienced some stretching on both our parts. I am a meticulous record keeper with budget spreadsheets, perfectly kept checkbook registers, and coupon clipping. Ricky is a lot less structured but still responsible. I think that we will always be working on the common ground...and that's okay! The blessing is that I give us structure and he gives us freedom--the perfect match! What I have learned through our financial adjustment period is that we don't have to have it figured out all at once and that applies to everything. I am a solution person. That is sometimes good but sometimes, not. The good thing is that when there is something that needs work, I am not one to put off the work. Usually I will dig right in to finding a resolution. My struggle is that sometimes...okay, often I lose patience with myself or, worse, with other people when the answer can't be reached in 30 minutes or less. Sometimes God doesn't want us to find the answer or finish the work that quickly! If I am not careful, I make life about getting to an end result when I really should be focused on the journey to the end result. This applies to everything, not just my marriage. Fortunately, my husband is more able to enjoy and learn from the journey. He has patience I dream of having! He is so laid back and we really do even each other out.

Mrs. G's wedding tips

So with five weeks of marriage under my belt I have a limited amount of marital advice but I do have some advice for any bride to be. These are some things I learned during the wedding planning process. They were either things I think I did right or things I wish I'd done differently. Some things are very practical and some are less tangible pieces of advice. At any rate here are mine; if you have any please share!

1. Don't stress about the guest list. The people who you go back and forth about inviting--just don't. I don't mean this in a harsh way but only the people closest to you are dying to come to your wedding. Everyone is happy for you but people understand if you can't invite them and they probably aren't chomping at the bit to get their invite anyway.

2. Number your response cards and keep a list of your guests with their coordinating number. Not everyone knows to put their name on their response card when they return it, so help yourself out.

3. There are SO many details to a wedding and a lot of them are optional and most of them are expensive! Ask yourself, "If I were a wedding guest, would this matter to me?" If not, don't worry about it. For example one of the things that wouldn't matter to me as a guest are centerpieces. So I used the centerpieces my reception place provided and called it a day.

4. I bought "extra" favors just in case...don't do this. Keep them cheap and keep the number ordered/made in line with your guest list. Not everyone took one with them and so we were left with tons of matchbooks. Since neither of us smoke it will be 50 years before we ever use all of them.

5. Programs are another thing to keep cheap or nix altogether. I knew I didn't want to spend a lot of money on them so I made my own using preprinted programs from a church supply store. I printed them using a Word document. The pack of 100 was $6.99 and it took an hour to print and fold them all. I was happy with them; they were pretty and we really saved on them. However; in the end we had MOST of them left over. People either don't take them or throw them out ASAP. If you don't want one for your scrapbook, I'd say to skip them. While you're at it, skip menu cards and escort cards.

6. Open seating! We reserved three tables for us, our parents and our wedding party and their spouses. Other than that, let people sit where they want. You'll save money on the escort and place cards. You will also save the time it takes to organize a seating chart and if you print the cards yourself, you'll save that time too.

7. Don't try to control everything. Pick people who are good at what they do, (photographer, reception venue, caterer, DJ, etc.), and let then let them do it. Be flexible. Make sure they consult you about things you want to do but then let it go. Take their suggestions, especially about time lines and logistics. Remember; they do this every weekend and you don't. They might have something to offer in this way.

8. About the bar--You know your guests...are they going to miss the bar? If not, don't pay for one! Most of our guests were not drinkers so we didn't want to pay for an open or semi open bar. We had a cash bar for beer, wine and liquor. As a courtesy, (and I stole this idea from my friend Courtney's wedding), we put two bottles of white zinfandel on each table. We bought them cheap from a party supply store and I made simple tags on card stock to hang from each one. It went over beautifully! We were right about them not drinking because we had most of the wine left over. Make sure to ask your venue about this before planning because of liquor laws.

9. About the menu--Keep it nice but minimal. If you haven't noticed, we were all about saving money. We didn't put a dime of our wedding or honeymoon on credit and we aren't cash rich so we had to balance cutting back with having a lovely wedding. One of the places this can be challenging is the menu. The trick here is to find a caterer that does a great, professional job of presentation and service. Our menu was very simple: hot roast beef and hot rigatoni with meat, potato salad, vegetables/dip, bread, cold cuts, etc. This is food people like! And we got so many compliments on how good the food was! Besides, the food isn't the star of the show...the cake is!

9. Spend money on the cake and the photographer.

10. I loved our wedding invitations but we spent too much on them. We couldn't agree on the print-your-own kind so we ended up ordering them. This is another one of those things that get thrown away by everyone but your parents. We could have saved a couple hundred dollars if we had made our own. You can get beautiful stationary for this at places like Michael's, Target, JoAnn Fabrics, etc.

11. Thank you notes--I used stationary from the $1 bin at Target. They are adorable and cheap. They were mismatched but who is going to care? Don't order them when/if you order your invitations. No one cares if they match your invitations or wedding colors. Also, write these up as your gifts come in.

12. This will be tempting but don't make dress shopping the first thing you do after getting engaged. If you give yourself six months before the wedding, you'll be fine. Also, if you are someone who shops better without 20 people talking in your ear, go by yourself. It might annoy some because people think this needs to be a group outing. But take my word on this: I bought three dresses because I couldn't sort through the opinions. The third was the charm and I bought it on my own on my lunch break.

13. I highly suggest not being engaged more than 1 year. Dragging it out sounded miserable to me and I'm so glad I was only engaged for 10 months!

14. Go on your honeymoon the next day. It might feel crazy but once you get where you're going, you'll be so glad you aren't back to work and waiting weeks to start your honeymoon trip.

15. Relax. In the end none of the details matter! Stay organized, plan ahead and then enjoy that last week. Roll with the punches, stay friendly and I promise you won't lose your mind. Things will go wrong, (we couldn't find the ring bearer's rings and he walked down the aisle empty handed). You're getting married and its all about the people who are there. If the people you love most surround you and you are focused on the fact that you're joining into the miraculous union of marriage, the day will feel perfect!

What are your tips?

Wonderful Day, Wonderful Week

The wedding day was amazing! More than anything I wanted to relax, enjoy the day and soak in every memory possible...and I did it! Well, we both did actually. One piece of advice I got from someone who recently got married herself was this: everyone says the day goes so fast that you don't remember most of it. But the truth is that the day goes fast but you remember it all! She was absolutely right-I remembered every moment and stored it the part of my heart that holds tightly to treasured times. I remember waking up, I remember breakfast, going to Kohl's and finding the flower that went in my hair, I remember getting my hair done and watching all my best girlfriends, mom and sisters get pampered as well. I remember my flower girl, Autumn running in every time she saw Ricky and saying, "MANDY! I saw your boyfriend!" I remember waiting with my dad while my bouquet shook in my hands and his eyes welled up with tears. Most of all I remember walking in the doors and seeing Ricky at the end of the aisle. I had planned to try to remember faces of my guests but his was the only one I could look at. My bouquet stopped shaking. I remember putting his ring on his finger and promising to care for him the rest of my life and I remember him doing the same. I remember that kiss at the end and I remember running to the back of the church and giving a giant "WOO HOO!" together when we had been pronounced husband and wife. I remember the reception...I remember it all!

Here are a few pictures from the day

Today's the day!

This will be a short blog but...today is our WEDDING DAY! I can't believe its here already and I don't think it has really sunk in all the way. I can't wait to see all my girls in their pretty dresses and of course I can't wait to see Ricky in his tux. We had our rehearsal last night and just doing the run through had my heart was pounding. I can't imagine what it will be doing during the actual ceremony! I can't wait!

I bought underwear- a real milestone!

Today was a momentus occassion. I bought underwear for Ricky. Well, that's what I went for and ended up getting that and a ton of new clothes for our honeymoon, (there's a huge sale at JCPenney, by the way). I have never bought him a stitch of clothing in my life! I am taking care of the packing for the honeymoon and I noticed that the three pair of underwear Ricky are at least a decade old and look like swiss cheese. The boy was in need of undies! But because his work schedule is so odd he was not going to have any time to go shopping for himself. I decided to pick some up for him while I was out getting some other things. It just so happens that they were having a great sale and he still needed some sea worthy clothes. Jackpot! But halfway through I realized that I have never bought him clothing before. Not a sweater for Christmas or socks for his birthday...nothing! Actually, I've been afraid to. Ricky is...uh...particular about clothing, food, movies...everything! But I felt confident that I knew his taste well enough to pick up a few things. He'll be home after midnight tonight and I'm excited to see if he likes it!

Now I maybe heading to see my dad! He just got into town tonight for the wedding festivities this week!

Who the heck am I?

I never thought I might be the woman that felt like she "lost her identity," when she got married but I kind of understand that feeling now, I think. My identity is in Christ so I never doubt that but it is strange for me to go from being a single independent woman to being a woman that doesn't pay for things; who doesn't do things for herself around the house that she's capable of; who just doesn't take care of everything herself. I have a WONDERFUL fiance who loves to provide for me and take care of me--it gives him joy to make sure we have everything we need and want. But it is hard to get used to. I am not a young girl going from her parents' home and care to the care of her husband. I am 26 and have lived on my own for years. Not to mention I am a naturally independent person. But to a certain extent independence is some thing you relinquish a little bit of when you get married. This is true for both the man and the woman. You become less INdependent and more INTERdependant on each other. Every decision you make now involves another persons wishes and preferences from where you go to dinner to how much you spend on clothing. This isn't bad or make me less 'modern' than other women its just a choice that you make to combine your life with another person for one reason or another. As a Christian, to me marriage is a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church. With that in mind, I feel like this confusion over giving up bits of my independence is a mirror to the fact that I had been living without relying on God in all things for a long time. If am living humbly, leaning on God for all things--needs, strength, support, etc.--why is it to so challenging to let go of what was supposed to be gone in the first place,(my reliance on myself in place of God)? I am truly seeing how God uses marriage to strengthen our relationship with Him and our understanding of His loving character. What I also learned, thanks to my patient and loving husband-to-be, is that this is going to be a process. I don't have to wake up on April 24, 2010 and know exactly how to do this wife thing. Its going to be a life long learning process. I am so thankful God gave me a super patient husband to temper my super impatience with myself and others.

So to the question I started with: Who the heck am I? I am the Lord's and he is working on me more patiently than I am.

Down to Single Digits...

Today marks nine days until our wedding day. I cannot believe how fast this engagement has gone. When we set the date in July it seemed like it would never come around. For ten months the wedding has seemed like a hypothetical, (albeit expensive), day. I think its because when you're growing up as a girl you talk with your friends about "my wedding," or "when I get married," and then follow those statements with something like, "I want a wedding dress made out of diamonds with a 15 foot train and I want Donnie(Wahlberg)to wear a white tuxedo and top hat." But then one day you grow up and you really meet the man you're going to share your life with and your wedding, hopefully, becomes a more scaled down but important celebration of the start of that life. But a part of you really can't believe its really going to happen. Its surreal to say I'm getting married next week. I can't wait!

As excited as I am for this big day, I realized today how great its going to be to be able to get back to regular life without something huge looming ahead of me. I will be relieved to refocus attention on school and finishing the last year and a half of college; serving at church; reading a book for fun and making plans beyond a wedding. There are things I'd like to commit my attention and money too but haven't been able to since we've been planning the wedding. We'd like to paint the living room; I'd like to take more classes to help me finish earlier; work on organizing the kitchen and office; do a bible study for the girls at church; get to know my neighbors...all kinds of things! But for right now, I have nine days left to enjoy our engagement and anticipate our special day and we fully intend to!